Goals for Summer ‘09 (Updated 7/10)
[ ] Find a boyfriend/male lover.
[ ] Get laid.
[ ] Kiss a boy that can actually kiss well (if that’s at all possible).
[ ] Watch every Bruce Campbell movie I possibly can.
[ ] Get the ankle cuff off.
[ ] Get my shit together (and by “shit” I mean “SSLP”).
[ ] Accumulate about $250 ($50/$250).
[ ] Swim naked/Skinny dipping.
[ ] Get into shape.
[ ] Buy a new bathing suit if the above happens.
[ ] Make out at the top of a ferris wheel.
[ ] Meet a Russian.
[ ] Meet a Ukrainian.
[ ] Go to the beach more than once.
[ ] Get my driver’s license.
[ ] Get my longboard with aforementioned $250.
[ ] Make a good friend or two.
[ ] Get a used car.
[X] Dye my hair (pink, orange, and yellow).
[ ] SoCal trip =]
[ ] Spend the night on the beach with some friends (make s’mores too!).
More to come…any suggestions welcome =D
355
There seems to be this overwhelming feeling
Swelling in my brain
And I just can’t seem to form
Succinct sentences
Or thoughts for that matter
Ergo the reason I haven’t
Written for a couple of years
What I’ve “written” lately
Hasn’t been writing
In the least bit
Words used to trickle
Out from pencil, pen, marker, whatever
At 3842349823 words per second
Ask Ann, she knows.
What the fuck happened here?
-goes to sit down in front of a notebook and see what happens…maybe-
346
This house feels too big. I don’t like it.
No one’s online today… =/
Alone with a TV.
Gargoyles soon.
Rest of the family came home.
Fun’s over…what to do now.
I probably won’t get to watch Gargoyles.
I miss Sci-Fi.
Why Boys Do Not Like Me
Never put ideas into my head.
Because then they will stay there for a long time.
And the idea that I am talking about is the one that you put into my head.
“I could see Jeremy liking you.”
I should kill you.
1. Boys do not like me because I do not have an outgoing personality.
2. I never know how to start conversations, so I sit there awkwardly and do not know what to do with myself.
3. Boys like Jeremy go out with pretty and outgoing girls like that one named Jessica.
4. Boys do not like me because I am quiet…well…that one just makes them not notice that I’m sharing their O2.
5. Boys do not like me because they do not know me…
The end.
I can tell that “getting laid,” “finding a boyfriend/male lover,” and “making out at the top of a ferris wheel” might not happen… -has low self-esteem-
S’more Sleepovers Please
Saturday night was oodles of fun =D
After much waiting I finally got to Carmen’s house where fun was just waiting to happen. Brought my clothes (including my new Marie undies ;]) and my little propane grill for s’mores =D Carmen, Sophie, and me took a little nap before people were supposed to come. Marielle (I’m not really sure how to spell her name xP) came sometime after six. We then went outside to start some s’mores =D Carmen was inside making us burgers with her mommy. I guess she invited Jeremy so he came over. I turned the grill back on so he could have a s’more. Maggie Nelson came a bit after that. We sat outside in the backyard listening to my iPod and eating s’mores and stuff. Denise Kelly finally came after work. That was like, sometime after 10:00PM. We came back inside and watched Silent Hill. I changed into my Protest the Hero shirt and pajama shorts and had a couch all to myself ^_^ The movie still kinda creeped me out. After that we tried to watch Shaun of the Dead. I got to admit, it was really difficult to watch the movie xP I honestly cannot stand people constantly talking when I’m trying to watch the movie (I wasn’t the only one, Jeremy said the same thing). Despite popular belief, some people actually like watching movies. We ended up playing Hide and Seek instead of finishing the movie.
Rather than playing myself, I went upstairs and commandeered Carmen’s laptop to listen to music. I sat in the dark while looking up YouTube videos. I was sitting there and then I turn around and Jeremy is standing over me like a creeper xD He asked where I find all of the music I was looking up (yay MySpace). He heard someone coming up the stairs so he hid behind the door. It was Maggie, also looking for a place to hide. When Jeremy saw that it was Maggie he came out from behind the door and continued to watch me look up music and occasionally showed me some that he knew. Someone was coming up the stairs again, Carmen and Denise, and they found Maggie and Jeremy. So we turned the light back on and pretty much just sat and talked and whatever. I don’t remember who went downstairs to play again, but I think Jeremy and Carmen stayed upstairs with me. Maybe not, I don’t remember xP Everyone gave up on Hide and Seek after a bit.
Apparently Marielle and Sophie were making a fort downstairs. We all went down to see for a bit. Then went back upstairs. We got bored and had no idea what to do. Jeremy was lying face down on my bed, so I started to burry him under pillows and stuffed animals. Then we left him there and went downstairs. Then I decided I wanted my laptop, so Carmen and I went upstairs. Jeremy was still buried. Carmen and I lied on top of him. Slightly awkward for me, but whatever. Carmen’s mom called her so she got up and went downstairs. I was lying there and was like “huh…I could either roll off of him awkwardly…or just stay here…” I ended up just staying there and staring at the ceiling. He didn’t say anything, so I guess it was okay -shrug- Carmen came back up and was like o.O Then she told Jeremy that he couldn’t spend the night anymore and that he had to go home because her dad woke up. So that was unfortunate for him. He lied there for a bit before actually realizing that he did in fact have to go. So that meant that I had to get up to xP
The three of us went downstairs, said goodbye, then Jeremy left. Things died down after that. Me, Carmen, Maggie, and Denise went upstairs and lied down on our beds. Around 5:00AM we kinda fell asleep. The sun was already coming up though so that made things a bit difficult. I know I had trouble sleeping. We woke up around 11:00AM and had some breakfast. Marielle left then Denise Kelly left. Then me, Carmen, Sophie, and Maggie went to Hellyer park. We longboarded and biked a trail. We stopped by the creek where I had the unfortunate luck of my phone falling into the creek. Carmen accidentally nudged me and it fell out of my lap into the water xP I’ve been phoneless for about two and a half days now, it really sucks. I’m just waiting for Carmen to give me an old phone so I can go activate it.
It was a fun weeked. I’m sad I didn’t get to go to the beach today though =/ I really need an escape right now…
Sestina
Here’s my shitty sestina for English class…
Smithereens float gently from the back of her mind
Down to touch the brown of her eyes
A smile does well to shield
With naiveté and ignorance
She’s not allowed to think back to those rooms
Nor allow The memory to be remembered
The memory engulfs all others
Those smithereens making more smithereens
These rooms don’t remember
The touch felt by young skin
But naiveté prevails
Through that smile on her face
The kind of smile that only
That memory could form
Naiveté continues on within her
The grey smithereens of what once was white
Are the only touch she can feel
And she’ll never return to those rooms
Rooms of sanctity once existed
To protect that innocent smile
Her touch isn’t cold
But that memory freezes in her sight
She tries to rub the smithereens from her eyes
And naiveté grows just as she does
Naiveté grows younger and she gets a little older
New rooms belong to strangers
Aged smithereens lightly coat
Her smile at a new haven
A new memory or two to come
Of new skin to touch
A not-so-strange stranger’s touch
Takes naiveté away
If only for the duration of That memory
Strangers’ rooms give an inviting feeling
And then that feeling turns into a smile
Glossed pink with those smithereens
A new memory of square rooms
Doused with a touch of past naiveté
Smile! Your own morality has burst into smithereens
Kings of Leon at the Bill Graham
So I went to the Kings of Leon concert last night in San Francisco at the Bill Graham Civic Auditorium. I went with Carmen, Jeremy, and Sophie. I gotta say, it was pretty fun. We got to Carmen’s house around 4:00PM maybe? and got ready to go. Jeremy got there a bit before 5:00PM, the time we were supposed to leave. We didn’t end up leaving until a tad after 5:30PM I think, maybe even later. Got in the car and headed off to San Francisco. There wasn’t too much traffic, which was cool. The ride was fun, jokes and random nonsense and stuff. We got to San Francisco…sometime before 7:30? Hahaha I don’t remember all that much. We ran to the line and were quickly admitted into the venue. We had floor seats (I don’t accept anything else o.o) and when we got in we had to sit on the floor. YAY SQUATTER’S RIGHTS!!! We waited and waited until 8:00PM and then ran as close to the stage as we could possibly get while everyone started getting up. I think we were about 3 “rows” or so away from the barrier so it wasn’t too bad. Sophie was a “row” ahead of Jeremy, Carmen, and I.
The concert was opened by The Walkmen. I had heard of them before, but I had yet to listen to any of their songs…It wouldn’t have made much of a difference because I didn’t like them all that much anyways xP I thought they were a bit too boring for me. I didn’t like the singers voice all that much either. Not exactly my cup of tea, but it’s cool. They made up for it with their fucking badass triangle player =D
So after The Walkmen there was a long break before Kings of Leon came on. During this time, and a bit prior, I was being annoyed by this chick that was standing in front of me cuz her hair was all up in my face. Later though, she wasn’t that bad compared to the guy that was next to Carmen. He was an ass and was totallyyy at the wrong show. He left just as Kings of Leon were about to start. Apparently Jeremy was being ass-raped by the chicks behind him…his life sucked. But we saw Nacho so that was cool ^_^
Kings of Leon finallyyyyy came on. Carmen was alllll excited xD She was jumping around and screaming like crazy. I’m not sure what was crazier, her or the crowd? The crowd was pushing back and forth, back and forth, forcefully too. Though it did bring us closer to center stage ^_^ I swear, we had to have stood in the middle of like 23842 fights and the pushing crowd wasn’t much help. Jeremy kept his arms around Carmen’s and my’s waists so we would all stay together…Carmen had noticed but I hadn’t until she had said something xD To my dismay they seemed to play more songs off Only By the Night, but that’s understandable, so it’s okay =] They still played some good, older songs…LIKE “KNOCKED UP” <333 Carmen and I wished that they had played “Head to Toe” though. It would’ve been soooo much fun. So too sum the night up…Took a lot of pictures. Getting pushed against a large sweaty man. Getting in the middle of a fight. Being held tight and holding on to tight. Jared. Matthew. Caleb. Nathaniel. Nacho. Security men. Claustrophobia. Weed senses. No air. Short breezes. Sex On Fire. Picking up Jeremy by the knees. Jeremy picking up Carmen. Jeremy picking up Candice. Picking up Jeremy. Picking up Candice by the legs. Cute pictures. Jumping. Pushing. Cold Desert. More Jeremy safety forcefield. Last song. The End.
When Kings of Leon were done, we went to find Sophie and the merch table. We found the latter first…but we decided not to wait in the long line (and the shirts are cheaper online…). We walked outside and got Sophie then walked around the corner of the venue to wait for the band to come out. I think we waited by their secret black vans for about a good hour or so. After much waiting and anticipation, Jared walked out but in the opposite direction. Then the security guard told him that there were people waiting I guess so he came over to us. He saw us first so Carmen got her shirt signed. I was sad that I didn’t have anything to get signed…WHICH I LATER REALIZED WAS A TOTAL LIE CUZ MY TICKET WAS IN MY POCKET -HEADDESKREPEAT-. Oh well…Then I was like OH MY GOODNESS I NEED A PICTURE. I was too much of a pansy to ask for it myself, so Carmen and Jeremy tried to get his attention. He walked over and Carmen said something like “Can you take a picture with my friend because she’s too shy to ask herself?” And he was like “Don’t be shy!” all cute and stuff. So Jeremy took the picture and I was like YAYYYY too bad my face looked gross xP Then Matthew came out and we tried to get over to him, but he always ended up walking in the opposite direction which made me sad cuz I didn’t get a picture of him, though I believe he is in the background of my picture with Jared (along with Sophie xD). So yeah…then the two of ‘em had to leave. We would’ve stuck around longer but Jeremy was hungry, we had school several hours later, and it was getting late. I can’t wait until I drive myself…WHO NEEDS SLEEP? MOST DEFINITELY NOT I!
It was a pretty kickass night. We ended it with Fourthmeal at Taco Smell…Bell* :D We dropped Jeremy off then drove back to Carmen’s. I got my bed ready and got changed. Then we went to bed and slept for a few hours before we had to go to school xP
Thank goodness we only have four days left then finals. I can’t wait for summer. Though I probably won’t be doing much because my grades are epic fail and my parents are going to kill me and I can only hope that they’ll understand just how hard it was though they’ll ask me why I didn’t ask for help and they’ll just get mad so I don’t see how I can win in this situation…(best…run-on…EVER.) I can only hope… =]
Post-Prom Depression.
School sucks.
I love my family, though I kinda wanna get away from ‘em.
I want to get away from this house.
From this neighborhood.
From this city.
From this area code.
From this county.
From this region.
From this state.
From this coast.
From this country.
I love this song…["Six Underground" - Sneaker Pimps]
I hate everything here…
I really do.
I’m way too used to shit like this.
I’m tired of shit like this.
Oh well.
Too bad.
Get over it.
Run Away.
And now I remember why I hate the human condition…
Prom 2009
Last night was actually genuinely fun.
I got up early to go with my mom to pick up my sister from her friends house. After that, we went to pick up my corsage and Danny’s boutonnier [I'm surprised I spelled that right the first try...]. I went home and cleaned up my room. A bit before 3:00 my mom and sister took me to get meet Carmen to get our hair and makeup done. That’s always fun for me. I really do just love the feeling of someone running their fingers through my hair ^_^ When Carmen and I were both done, we went to our homes to put on our dresses. After taking a few pictures at home, my mom and sister took me to Carmen’s house. We both looked really pretty =] Jeremy got there soon after. Carmen and him took some pictures together then three of us took some pictures together.
We left around 7:00…shortly after getting into the car, we discovered that we had to go to Jeremy’s house to pick up his school ID since Carmen failed to mention that he needed it [I made sure to remind Danny 2938423 times to not forget his]. We got to the place around…I don’t know, maybe a bit after 7:30? Danny got there soon after…corsage and philly cheese steak in hand xD I had no idea that he was getting me a corsage so I quickly turned to Carmen and was like “SHIT TAKE THIS -handshercorsagebox-” then she throws it at one of the French teachers xD It was one of the prettiest corsages everrrrrr [his mommy picked it out xD]. We stood in line for pictures for about two minutes then were like “forget this…” and we walked inside. I saw Angie and walked over to say “hi” and give her a hug and stuff. After, we went to Catalina and Kate’s table to sit. Carmen took pictures [and accidental videos] of Danny putting on my corsage and me pretending to put on his boutonnier.
Me, Danny, Carmen, Jeremy, Catalina and her date Justin, and Kate and her date James went outside to stand on one of the balconies for a couple of minutes. We didn’t do much but talk and watch the people in the apartments across the way. We went back inside after awhile…I don’t remember much in chronological order. At first I was dancing kinda awkwardly…cuz I epically fail at dancing, but I can slow dance…cuz that’s easy. At one point we went outside to the other balcony to see GiGi and her date Evan. Danny sat down on a chair and motioned for me to sit on his lap, so I did. We sat and talked outside for a bit. Carmen and Jeremy were taking some pictures, Danny and I were talking about KL cuz she’s a meanie =[ [he thought so too...]. After sitting out there for awhile we went back inside, Danny picked me up and started to carry me but I asked him to put me down cuz the dean was going to walk by, and danced some more. At one point it was Danny behind me, Carmen in front of me, and Jeremy behind her, here comes the dean and gives me a look…WOW…stupid hoe…During a break we took, Danny picked me up again and carried me to the dance floor. Woohoo for dancing? xP Danny and I were holding hands a lot. At one point he asked me if he could touch my butt…that was funny [I let him] xD We did take pictures eventually. I think the photographer thought we were a couple or something so he put us in an awkward pose…he blamed my corsage positioning for it though [Carmen's was on the same hand =P]. But yeah, the night went on, dancing to faster songs and slower songs…I wanted to fall asleep during the slow songs though when I was resting my head on Danny’s chest xD I lost Carmen for awhile, so that was sad…But I found her during the last two songs. The stupid hoe KL took her date for the last song, which was a slow song, so Danny and I slow danced with her ^_^ I got to slow dance with just her for a little while before that.
Prom ended at 12:00. We grabbed our purses and our shoes and sat and talked for a second until the dean kicked us out…she’s a meanie =[ We walked down the stairs to a different elevators since the two main ones were packed. We waited for Carmen's parents to pick us up and we dropped Danny off so he could get his car [Later I thought I should've gone with him]. We drove to IHOP and Danny met us there. After late dinner/early breakfast, we said goodbye to Danny. I hugged him and thanked him for coming with me and he walked to his car [I probably should've walked him to it...]. I got in the car, took off my shoes, and lied down on the way to drop off Jeremy. Same for the drive home. I got out of that dress and Carmen undid my hair for me. That was a pain in the ass. It was about 3:30 when I finally got to sleep.
It was a truly fun night. It’s funny how I really didn’t wanna go with Danny, but he ended up being really fun. He’s a different person when he’s around a lot of people, but since it was really just four of us, he was really nice and fun to be around compared to when he acts really annoying xP I’m glad I went with him. [Note to my friends: Never listen to me when I say that I don't want to do something...like not wanting to go with Danny...I usually end up being wrong] You know I probably would’ve kissed him goodnight if he hadn’t made out with two of my friends prior and was in love with another one of my friends =P
I can’t wait till next year’s =D
It’s Apparently Not Allowed
I’m not allowed to have fun…
I should just kill myself now…
I will never have the normal teenage life…
I had it in my hands and WOOOO there it slipped right out of them…
-metaphorically kills self-
