04.25.08

Words Are Very Unecessary, They Can Only Do Harm

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 8:29 pm by Aiden

“Choose to be silent for those who have to be”

Today was the Day of Silence. I participated and was pretty good about it…even though I spoke about three times. It actually really wasn’t that hard. I mean, I’m already pretty quiet in most of my classes. It was also an advantage for me because it meant that I really didn’t have to participate. Most of my friends participated too…others…not so keen on the whole idea.

Jessie was really making me upset today. So in the morning, when she got there, she asked me a question and so I wrote it down. Then she asked why I wasn’t talking. I told Draya to tell her. So Draya was like, “It’s for gay people…” or something like that. So Jessie was like, “Well, I’m not gay, so I’m not going to do it.” And, since I could not talk, I could not explain to her that it’s for anyone who supports gay rights.

Later at brunch, I was sitting there, not talking with Carmen and people. She comes up and is like, “Why are you being quiet?” and she already knew why, so I don’t know why she insisted upon it. People explained it to her twice. Once in the morning and then again during her religion class. I heard them telling her when I got a sticker from Cati. So back to brunch time…I just looked at her and shook my head. Then she said, “C’mon, explain it.” and then she eventually walked away. She sat with her back turned to like, most of the group. I don’t know why she acts like that. I mean, she’s friends with a lot of gay/lesbian/bisexual people…

I finally realized why she did not like my relationship with Carmen. I knew she didn’t like her a whole lot to begin with…but it wasn’t even the fact that it was her. It’s the fact that she is a girl. I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before…I guess I believed that she didn’t have a problem with the whole me being bisexual thing…but I was wrong. I should’ve known though. It’s her. That’s how she is. Even when I tried to go vegetarian [which I was doing well with] she got me to eat chili cheese fries. She doesn’t really accept people who are different [It's kind of hard for me to be best friends with someone like that...].

I was pretty upset with her the whole day. I wanted to tell her so much to deal with the fact that I love Carmen and nothing she says is going to change that…but I’m too much of a pansy. I admit it. I am afraid of her. I am not a fighter. Hah Carmen told me that I shouldn’t be afraid of her and that Jessie underestimates her. Then she went into this whole explanation that ended in a sandwich sort of thing. Confrontation is just not my thing. When I told an ex-best friend of mine that I didn’t want to be friends with her anymore, I wrote down everything I was going to say and brought it with me. I am afraid of people. That cannot be healthy. I hate the fact that I have to use people to tell other people things for me.

Ya know…in all honesty, even though Jessie and I say we’re “best friends,” we’re not. We rarely ever hang out outside of school and I never tell her anything about my life…I never have. I think the only thing that kept us together was the whole 8th grade thing. That was two years ago…it is over and done with. I think before, it used to bug me about not spending time with her…but now, it’s like…how can I be good friends with someone that doesn’t like who I am?

…what to do, what to do…

Title courtesy of Depeche Mode (”Enjoy the Silence”)

04.24.08

Yay Salad In A Pita!

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 7:43 pm by Aiden

This salad in a pita bread is very yummy…

So today, ya know, school, always sucks. Then there was break. We had a little penguin huddle going on. Trying to get all warm. After awhile most of us dispersed. I went to go talk with Jessie and Rachna, Carmen went to hug GiGi. Then Jessie and Rachna went to go buy some food and I sat down. So everyone’s la la la then I see Tiana hugging Carmen and I realize…I can’t do that without getting a look from Jessie. Everyone else can hug her and she can hug people and be all la la la…but not me. I have to do it when Jessie’s not around…It’s no fair. I can’t freely hug a good friend without getting a look…It’s not fair. And that made me sad…

I know that I have nothing to worry about really…but still. I already told her that I’m afraid when we’re not together. I am afraid that I’ll lose her to someone else…that I’ll escape her mind for a single moment…and so this whole not being able to hug her or hold her without getting a look from someone makes me nervous. That is why I try to spend as much alone-ish time with her as I can. I’m not trying to say that “oh, I’ll do everything and anything I can just to make her stay with me…” I just like being with her. We could just sit next to each other, not doing anything, and I’ll be perfectly fine. But alas…

I have also realized that I need to get a job this summer. I need money. My parents cannot contribute very much to my college fund; therefore, I need to start saving up. I do not want to work with food. I’d rather work somewhere with clothes, or more preferably, somewhere like Barnes and Noble. By the time I go to college, I probably won’t have very much…but it’s still good to have something.

I need a plan. I need a plan. I need…her.

2 years, 40 days…

04.20.08

Cream Puffs!

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 6:44 pm by Aiden

This weekend has been one of the best I’ve had in a while. Yay!

So on Friday I went to school…that was boring. But I got to hang out with Carmen for the rest of the day. After school we went to Hydration with Jen and got fried tofu. Then, I accompanied her to Improv practice. I have to admit…it was pretty fun. I just liked playing the games, not so much the activities. Most of the people there are really funny though [out of the...less than ten people]. That lasted until 4:00. We then headed off to her parents’ office and stopped at Pizza My Heart on the way.

We stayed at the office for a little bit, then went to her house. We hung out in her room for a bit before we went to the musical, Zombie Prom. Her parents dropped us and her sister and her sister’s friend off. We bought tickets and got snow cones…which I sadly had to throw most of away…then later figured I should’ve just kept it xP So Carmen, her sister, her sister’s friend, Alex, and I sat in the second row. We had to sit near the front otherwise Carmen and I wouldn’t have been able to see [we both seemed to have misplaced our glasses]. Jessie came a while after and sat in a row diagonally behind us. I turned and saw her and she told me to come sit with her…so did Carmen. But I was not going to do that. That would’ve been very rude of me. I came with Carmen; therefore, I must sit with Carmen. I don’t care if she told me it was alright for me to sit with Jessie. So I stayed where I was. I drew Ann a pretty picture on half of my program [which she better have kept...]. During the intermission, I hung out with Jessie. Alex gave me a handed me a Coke [which I'm pretty sure was from Carmen] and we shared. Then we went to go buy her mom a drink. The second act of the play started and I went to go sit back down. After the play, we waited for Carmen’s parents to come pick us up. While waiting, Sophie [her sister] and Maxine [her friend] happily sang “Bohemian Rhapsody.” That was fun! They came and picked us up, then we headed back to the house.

When we got back, Carmen asked if I could spend the night. We got a “yes” from both sides and happily continued the night. Before we went to bed, Carmen made a gay couple on Sims….and a cute little doggy.
So we we hung out some more in her room before going to bed. We were going to sleep in her room…but then we ended up sleeping in another one.

The next day, we had to wake up early and head off to ND. We helped her mom with some stuff then walked to the office again. Before getting there, we stopped at McDonald’s, got me some pancakes, stopped at City Bagel, got her a bagel and both of us orange juice, stopped at Walgreen’s, bought her Bert’s Bees, then finally headed up to the office. We ate, looked up a few pick-up lines, then took a nap. Oh…and before getting to McDonald’s, Carmen had her arm over my shoulder and I had mine around her waist…we got honked at…not fun. We quickly let go of each other xD [damm people...].

After our little nap, we went and got some food. We had Thai food [curry and tofu...yum]. We then headed back to her house and hung out some more. I didn’t want to go home…but I guess I had to eventually. I ended up going home at around 8:00. So I was there for pretty much a whole day. My dad and sister hadn’t seen me since the morning before and my mom hadn’t seen me since Thursday night, hah. Luckily, my parents were not upset.

I never want to go home. I hate being at home…that’s a lie. I just don’t like leaving her. She is the only person I can really think of that I never really want to leave. Like when I’m hanging out with some people, don’t get me wrong, it’s all sorts of fun, but eventually, I just want to go home. With her, I never want to leave. I just want to stay with her and never go home…

…two more years…that’s all…two more years.

04.16.08

I Don’t Tease!

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 8:21 pm by Aiden

…intentionally…she loves it

Hahahaha So…I think my laptop’s wireless card is like, screwed [like me...literally...stupid pick-up line obsessed friends...I love them]. So I have to sit here on the dining room floor, tethered down to the router. This means I have to be careful about what I’m doing and who’s around…because I’m not supposed to have a MySpace and stuff. It sucks that I cannot be online for a long time. My dad is supposed to take me to Best Buy to get it checked out.

I ordered my class ring yesterday. Well, it was more like I stood there while Carmen told me what I wanted. I’m so hopeless when given decisions. I’m getting the Century style, which I guess is like, a classic ring or something. It is ultrium-…colored? Yeah, it’s like, silver and has an antique finish which will outline all the stuff on it in black. I got an emerald with a cut top. It’s got my first and last name engraved in script on the inside. On one side it’s got the ND crest and on the other it’ll say “2010″ and my first name and will have a peace sign. Pretty darn cool.

I was called a tease today. Good job self…I was also asked if I was emotionally numb…which I am not. I just happen to keep my sexual jokes and emotions to myself. I DO HAVE FEELINGS!

On Friday I am going to watch my school’s musical, Zombie Prom, with Carmen. My sister has a game that day…which means that I would need a ride. And would you look at that, I’m getting a ride from Carmen. I’m sure it will be oodles of fun. I am excited…I just need to remember to bring my glasses so that I can actually see the musical.

…I am secretly a vampire and will turn you =F

P.S. She wants me…so bad<3

04.13.08

I Am Sixteen Years Old

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 12:04 pm by Aiden

My birthday was yesterday! Yay me!

So yeahh…I woke up at around nine yesterday. I got ready and all that. While I waited for someone to show up, I played Assassin’s Creed [which I must say gets really repetitive after awhile...]. GiGi was the first to come. I made her nachos and some soda and we watched Grendel on Sci Fi while looking up facts. Hah. Then Carmen finally came over. My mom was in a rush to get to my sister’s softball game, so we all had to go. It was so hot at the field. Like, it’s spring, it’s not supposed to be that hot…damm global warming. After watching my sister’s game for a bit and taking random pictures [mostly of GiGi]. Then Jessie met us at Eastridge so we could watch a movie. Both Jessie and Carmen were trying to figure out what they wanted to give me during the thirty minutes before the movie. I really hate when people ask me what I want for gifts and stuff. I never know what I want…there are exceptions though…well, Jessie figured out what she was going to get me. I told Carmen just to buy me a bag of candy from the Sweet Factory [I love sour belts =].

We watched Prom Night. That was one of the worst movies I have ever seen. You didn’t even get to see the real blood and killing. No fun for me at all. I think the things going on around us were funnier. Some chick was getting yelled at by like her sister or something and some guy got pissed off and yelled at someone for like, kicking the back of his chair or something. It was really funny.

After the movies, we went back to my house and Ann came over. So we just hung out and stuff. Then GiGi left me. Played Guitar Hero 3 for like five minutes. Ate some food. Hung out some more. Then my mom made us go outside and hang out. We colored and played bingo. Then it was pinata time! Yay! Carmen spun me around like a bajillion times. I can barely walk straight as it is. Watching Carmen trying to hit the pinata was the funniest thing ever. Then we ate cake…and of course…my sister caked me. [That is twice in one week...]. Then Carmen had to leave me…That was depressing. And I’m dumb and didn’t think about being able to drop her off at home until after she left.

After all of the excitement outside, Ann, Jessie, and I went to my room. So, I guess one conversation led to another and ended up in Jessie finding out about happened last weekend. But I made her swear that she would do nothing [I have it recorded on my phone for proof]. She was pissed off. She was the last person who I wanted to find out. I called Carmen to tell her…then Jessie told me to give her the phone or she was going to say something on Monday…I gave her the phone. Then we hung up. She called me back a bit later and I went somewhere I could talk to her…and we talked. I went back and hung out with Jessie and Ann until they left. We didn’t talk about it anymore though.

After they left, I had to clean up a bit. Then I went to my room, talked for a bit, then went to bed. Not exactly the best way to end an awesome day, but whatever. Overall, it was still a good day.

So I got Gears of War from my cousin, which I played this morning. It is so much fun! But it’s real easy to die xD I also got about $175…I thought I only had $140, but I just counted and I have like, $174…weird…but cool…a $5 Hot Topic gift card and a $30 Target gift card. So, I’m dividing my money by four and putting 3/4 away into the bank [Which will give me a total of about $180] and keeping 1/4, which is $43.75. So, I shall use my leftover money and gift cards to buy clothes [Who wants to go shopping with me? *coughcarmencough*].

=]

04.08.08

Protected: I Thought I Was Over It…

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 9:35 pm by Aiden

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04.07.08

Happy Camping

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 8:46 pm by Aiden

So uhh…this has been a shitty week…even though it’s only been two days…but I guess I’m counting Friday and Saturday too.

I had so much homework to do this past weekend and I just wasted time. I wasted time crying and being upset, playing video games, and doing nothing. So I spent all of yesterday freaking out over all of it. That just added to my crappy weekend. I ended up finishing…just like I always do. I always do that to myself. Leave everything until the last possible minute and then rush myself. Oh well, I just have to think about the consequences that will result if I don’t do it and it motivates me. I just figure that if I don’t do my homework my grades will drop and I won’t be able to escape from here and I’ll just fail at life.

Escape. I considered the possibility of moving out of the country again. Hah I only do that when I’m really upset. I mean, I wouldn’t mind moving out of the country, as long as it’s to a pretty place. It’d probably do me some good to get away from all the people. People just tend to make me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Like when I go to the store or the mall, I walk funny, like faster and, like, try to keep to myself. I probably look like a paranoid freak. My eyes always dart around the place and I hold onto my arm and look down while I walk. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind going to Eastridge as opposed to places like Valley Fair and Santana Row. There’s not too many people.

On a different note…I can’t be upset…I guess I’m not really upset. I guess I just really don’t like the whole idea of having to “share” her in a way. I want her all to myself =] hahaha She loves me and I still love her. That is all that matters, right? I’d say so. My only real concern I guess is just how long they’re going to be together…NOT THAT I’M HOPING THEY BECOME UNHAPPY! That’d just be selfish of me…

I wish everyday was like that weekend I spent the night at her house. That’d be perfect. I had loads of fun that weekend. No worries, just perfection. Being able to tell her “goodnight” and “I love you” in person, not over the phone. Holding each other while we slept. Spending all day together, just being out and about. That’s the thing I’ll miss most about being with her on the weekends, walking around with her. I love walks. She can long-board and I’ll just walk swiftly beside her and I’ll be perfectly happy. If I was able to do that everyday for the rest of my life, I’ll be a happy camper.

…I guess I’ll just have to deal for awhile.

04.04.08

…Worst Case Scenario

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 10:58 pm by Aiden

…always comes true.

Well…I saw it coming…I did. Whenever someone says “I need to tell you something” I automatically think worst case scenario. And you know what…it always comes true. Always, always, always…la la la…but whatever…What’s a girl to do?

Still didn’t cry…</3

04.03.08

World War I Poem

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 7:21 pm by Aiden

So nothing exciting has been going on lately. School still sucks. I’ve got about three papers due next week. All I want to do is sleep. I’ve been eating everything…back to my old usual self I guess xD No…never will be.

Dray talked to Jessie yesterday…that’s good. I’m too much of a pansy-ass to do it myself. I probably should’ve though…it probably would have meant way more. Oh well, Jessie said she’d try…she pinky promised Dray. Now I’ve just got to do that favor for Dray. She’s the best godsister ever. I love her!

So that’s about it…Oh, supposed to go long-boarding with Carmen tomorrow. Well, she’ll be boarding, I’ll be walking swiftly. Going to that gnome-man cream puff place. Apparently the cream puffs are amazing. My grandma’s cream puffs were the best. I feel terrible that I never learned how to make ‘em…I’ll figure it out some day. Hah, maybe that’s what we should do on my birthday, make cream puffs. That’d be fun. It’d give me an excuse to buy powdered sugar…yum.

Ann and I wrote this poem for world history class today. Probably the best assignment yet. It was mostly written by Ann though, she was real excited about it…I contributed about a line though [the eighth one].

“Bang bang, so the guns say
Another one falls
This is just another day

Up above, the planes fly
Another bomb drops
Today, they shall die [die, die]

Longing for the fresh air
These gases leave blackened lungs
Curse this bloody [fucking] warfare

In the [far-off] distance,
Another soldier cries
‘Someone [just fucking] end it.’”

Everything in brackets is what Ann had intended, but since it was for school…we just couldn’t have it that way.

P.S. Her long board is going to spontaneously combust =]

P.P.S. I love her<3

04.01.08

A Short Story

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 9:20 pm by Aiden

I wrote this story today for my dear dear Carmen.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once upon a time, there existed an island in the middle of the ocean, a few miles off from the coast of Antarctica. Although the island was located in arctic waters, it experienced each season beautifully. In the spring, flowers bloomed and trees and grass were as green as could be. On the best days, it was warm with a light rain. In the summer, the sun shone bright and warm, but there was always a cool, relieving breeze blowing through the trees. In the fall, every leaf on every tree turned a pretty crimson red and the days grew shorter. A slight wind was always blowing. In the winter, the wind was at its coldest and clouds sprinkled snow all atop the trees and the land. When night fell, the sky was as black as black could be, allowing the scintillate stars to shine their brightest. The magnificent island seemed to have its own atmosphere.

The island was inhabited by two different groups of animals. Neither of the groups had actually ever met. One lived on the western end of the island, the other on the eastern end. Not one of the groups had ever saw it necessary to travel to the other end. They each had what they needed in their own areas. On the west end, there were the narwhals. On the east end, there were the horses.

One day, on the magnificent island, a curious little narwhal stood at the outer rim of his village. It was a cold fall evening. The narwhal stood and stared curiously at the crimson-leaved trees beyond its village. “One day, I will see what is beyond those crimson-leaved trees,” the little narwhal promised himself and turned toward home. At the same time, but at the opposite end of the island, a little horse stood at the outer rim of her village. “One day, I will find out what is beyond those crimson-leaved trees,” the little horse promised herself, as she turned to go home. Both of these promises would be fulfilled.

The horse prepared herself for the trot across the island. She began her journey as the sun set. The moon’s light illuminated each crimson leaf. She walked on and on, straight through the middle of the island. In the distance, she heard a rustling among the fallen leaves ahead of her. She stopped moving. Her eyes darted in every direction possible. She saw nothing, but still heard the rustling. She decided it was nothing and trotted on. “Ouch!” the little horse shrieked. “Ahh!” said another alarmed voice. The horse looked down at her legs. Another creature looked up at her. They stared intently at one another for several moments. “H-hello,” the smaller creature stammered. “H-hi,” the little horse greeted back. “What are you?” the small creature asked. “I’m a horse,” she answered, “What are you?” “I’m a narwhal,” the smaller one answered. “I knew there was more beyond the crimson-leaved trees!” they both said simultaneously. “Let’s be friends!” they said at the same time once more. The two nodded their heads. They devised a plan which would bring both of their kind together. They agreed to meet each other at the heart of the island, their village in tow, at sunset the next day.

The island was in busy state the following afternoon. Each group was looking forward to the meeting. As the sun began to set, each group hurried to the heart of the island. Both groups walked up at the same time. At the sight of each other, they stopped in their tracks. Each creature found the other absolutely beautiful. They instantly became attached to one another. From that day on, they lived together harmoniously.

Today, the island still remains the same…the appearance at least. There are no longer narwhals and horses inhabiting the island. A new creature inhabits the island. A hybrid of the narwhal and the horse. The magnificent island is home to the majestic unicorn.

The End.