So uhh…this has been a shitty week…even though it’s only been two days…but I guess I’m counting Friday and Saturday too.

I had so much homework to do this past weekend and I just wasted time. I wasted time crying and being upset, playing video games, and doing nothing. So I spent all of yesterday freaking out over all of it. That just added to my crappy weekend. I ended up finishing…just like I always do. I always do that to myself. Leave everything until the last possible minute and then rush myself. Oh well, I just have to think about the consequences that will result if I don’t do it and it motivates me. I just figure that if I don’t do my homework my grades will drop and I won’t be able to escape from here and I’ll just fail at life.

Escape. I considered the possibility of moving out of the country again. Hah I only do that when I’m really upset. I mean, I wouldn’t mind moving out of the country, as long as it’s to a pretty place. It’d probably do me some good to get away from all the people. People just tend to make me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Like when I go to the store or the mall, I walk funny, like faster and, like, try to keep to myself. I probably look like a paranoid freak. My eyes always dart around the place and I hold onto my arm and look down while I walk. Maybe that’s why I don’t mind going to Eastridge as opposed to places like Valley Fair and Santana Row. There’s not too many people.

On a different note…I can’t be upset…I guess I’m not really upset. I guess I just really don’t like the whole idea of having to “share” her in a way. I want her all to myself =] hahaha She loves me and I still love her. That is all that matters, right? I’d say so. My only real concern I guess is just how long they’re going to be together…NOT THAT I’M HOPING THEY BECOME UNHAPPY! That’d just be selfish of me…

I wish everyday was like that weekend I spent the night at her house. That’d be perfect. I had loads of fun that weekend. No worries, just perfection. Being able to tell her “goodnight” and “I love you” in person, not over the phone. Holding each other while we slept. Spending all day together, just being out and about. That’s the thing I’ll miss most about being with her on the weekends, walking around with her. I love walks. She can long-board and I’ll just walk swiftly beside her and I’ll be perfectly happy. If I was able to do that everyday for the rest of my life, I’ll be a happy camper.

…I guess I’ll just have to deal for awhile.