Today was actually a great day! I stayed at school for like, four hours. Took my picture. Went to Starbucks with Jessie, Angie, and Rachael. Came back and met up with Rachna and Giuliana. We talked for like, ever! I miss Angie so much! I love her! We talked about all kinds of stuff. I can’t wait for school to start. After pictures, my dad took Jessie and I to Eastridge and we hung out for like two hours. And now I am home.

I didn’t start today off well…I’m sorry I made you say ‘hi’ and didn’t tell you who it was =[ I seriously do really stupid things sometimes. I don’t think first…I really really wanted to talk to you today, but that didn’t work out the way I planned it in my head. My first plan was actually to beg and plead and try to be better if you gave me another chance…but I later discovered that that plan was just stupid. So I decided that I just wanted to make sure that you don’t think I’m the happiest person in the world for the same reason that you’ve been bummed. Because I’m not. I’m seriously not that selfish…and I wanted to tell you that I love you and that I do care…even though I feel kinda dumb right now.

My heart leaped when I saw you this morning…you still do that to me ya know

And I kind of miss it. I miss the beach. I miss collecting shells [which I should probably take out of the car]. I miss watching and feeling the fog/mist roll in. I miss the campfire. I miss eating millions of marshmallows. I miss my surfer guy neighbor who we were next to for only a day. And so on and so forth…It really did its job as a distraction. I’m kinda bummed that I didn’t take pictures until the last full day I was there.

So, I really need to start that essay because I only have about…ten days left to do it. I can’t wait for school to start. And I’m finally becoming a techie!

I hung out with Ann pretty much all day which was A-FUCKING-MAZING. We walked downtown to look for a place to do community service hours with no luck. We hung out at her house. I was tackled by Dawn. She gave me a bag of candy that is totally saving my life. We went to S.F. Sat awkwardly in a house and watched TV. Went to In-N-Out. Sat in a corner. Had fun. Then I had to go home xP I love her<3 MUAHHH

Ann wants to hang out with Eric, her friend Damian, Carmen, and I. We’d watch Mirrors or something. I’m psyched for it =] Hopefully everyone will want to come and will be able to go. That’d be nice. I want to go to the park too. Something really fun for the last weekend before school. I just really really need Happy right now.

Picture Day on Monday! That means I get to see everyone<3

and my window is open, making it a tad cold. If you were here, the temperature wouldn’t really matter. Nothing would…except you.

I’ve been staying up this late for the past…eight days or so because I have it instilled in my brain that you’ll sign on and have an actual conversation with me, but I know that won’t happen. Hah it’s kind of dumb because I know you’re definitely busy…and that’s alright. I know you’re having fun =]

I really want a bean burrito from Taco Bell right now! I’m starvinngggg

So…I’m supposed to be leaving in about…nine hours to Watsonville. My family decided they wanted to go camping. I’ll be coming home on Friday in the afternoon. This means no internet for…well, I guess two days if you think about it [I will have my phone though, so those of you who know me and are still in this country...which is only one of you *coughANNcough*...text me!]. No Warped Tour either xP It’s a bittersweet thing really, leaving. I won’t be able to talk to Ann, Giuliana [now that she's back. Yay!], etc. I won’t be able to start my essay [which I will have only twelve days to do when I get back xP]. The good thing about it? I’ll be going to the beach every day I’m there. I’ll be able to stay up late around the fire and think about…everything. I’ll be eating burned marshmallows. Hopefully I get to sleep in the tent all by myself [cuz I'm a big girl ya know]. And I get to let out the pyro in me *winkwink*…It’ll be fun. I’m sure of it. And I so need this brief escape right now. Intense past couple of days!

So I think I’m either going to sleep now. Or maybe just lie in bed and hold Sunshine close to me, pretending it’s you until the sun comes up. I did that the other day you know [well, not until the sun came up]. While I watched a movie. I stroked his little bear arm with my thumb and everything…not even close to the real thing =|

And I’m really beginning to miss you. And your voice. And your arms around me. And you…loving me and all…Can I have that again?

That makes it….Candice: 2 [I thought it was 3, but I can't quite remember the third one], Him: 1. Well…at least it seems like I’m still winning.

How quickly you made me feel wonderful one second and immediately made it go away the next…

I feel really dumb. And terrible. And…just really really dumb.

Being at your house…but you not being there. Things probably would’ve been better =\

So I went over to Carmen’s today to watch movies with Sophie and Maxine and their friends Jesse [who is cool, but really talks a lot kinda xD] and Chris [who I think is a real dumbass]. First we watched A Clockwork Orange. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a good movie, but it was boring after awhile. Then we ate. I ate fruit. Then we sat back down to watch Reservoir Dogs. That’s when it got a little ksjdklaf. See…Sophie brought out a bottle of whiskey, cleverly hidden in another bottle. That excited Chris a bit. So, he drank…a lot. Like, two little Pellegrino water bottles full.  And Sophie drank a good amount too, but not as much as Chris. About halfway through Reservoir Dogs, Chris, Sophie, and Maxine were in the computer room, Jesse and I on the couch. Maxine then came in and told us that Chris puked all over himself and I guess passed out. Not cool. Then, a little while after, Carmen’s mom came out to check on us. I think at that point, I was on the couch by myself, Maxine and Jesse in the kitchen, Chris on the floor I guess, and I don’t know where Sophie was. Her mom then went to the computer room. Welp, her parents found out and were, of course, not happy. It was like…fuck. Maxine and I were sitting on the couch and her mom told us that we should have told her. That was only a few moments after she told me to keep on eye on them. I feel terrible =[ I ended up leaving shortly after helping them clean the dumbass up a bit.

I really want to apologize to her parents. I should have been a bit more responsible. Then again, it’s like…I wouldn’t want to tell. Before all that, but after they had been drinking, Maxine sat down next to me and said “I wish Carmen was here. I miss her.” And I was like, “Yeah, me too…”

I want to talk to you. I’m so slakjfdlkj feeling this week =|

All day yesterday and today, I keep thinking that I hear my phone vibrate…but of course, it doesn’t. I really shouldn’t expect it to. Yet I keep checking it…and checking it…and checking it. No one’s going to call me. No one’s going to text me. There’s not really a point in even having it with me right now.

I wish someone, anyone,  was online for me to talk to…

I had a dream. I was in it. You were in it. Other people were in it. Your boyfriend was in it. Don’t worry, no switchblades were in it…I don’t know where we were, but we were in some place. I was walking around with you and trying to hold you and your hand and stuff. Then you made us duck behind something. I tried to be cute with you and cuddle with you, but you just kept looking around for him. I’m not quite sure if it was for him or just making sure he didn’t see us. And when he finally came near, you separated yourself from me…Then I woke up.

She’s leaving me for ten days today. I think that was a pretty lame excuse for a last “goodnight” we’re going to hear from each other for a week and a half. I wasn’t being an “emo” kid…I can’t help it if I’m going to miss you. I can’t help it if I have trouble letting you hang up the phone. I can’t help it. But you don’t get why…I guess you would call it a selfish reason why. Though, I wouldn’t…

I hope you have fun. Stay safe. Stay out of trouble. I love you…

Finally home from Vegas. I’m soo happy. I missed the coldish weather. And my room. And…lots of things I’m sure. But now I want to go away again. Well, I’m going to the beach tomorrow, so yay. DISTRACTION!

I really need to finish The Great Gatsby so I can start my essay. And I need to order my books. And I need to…It’s an uncanny thing when my media player plays just the right songs at just the right time…

…I climb, I slip, I fall

It was AMAZING! I should do it again sometime.

So my sister’s team is out of the tournament. I hear they made 17th out of 48 teams. Pretty sweet. I went to The Strip two days ago. We started at MGM and got to Caesar’s Palace. I got to see the Lions at MGM. I went to Paris before Carmen [hahaha]. A security guard thought I was 21. I saw a cute gay couple [one guy was holding the other by the waist, they looked happy =]. I saw a group of guys that reminded me of Kings of Leon, they were all cute. I went on the New York New York rollercoaster. I watched the Belagio fountains do their thing to “My Heart Will Go On” [it's on my phone]. There may have been other things, but I can’t quite remember.

Today, we’re supposed to go out to the Hoover Dam. Go eat lunch at the mall. Go to the Stratosphere and the other half of The Strip that we missed [which includes Circus Circus]. Then, we’re going to Fremont St. to shop and watch the light show. Today is pretty much the last day that we get to do anything. We leave home tomorrow. Then Monday, my dad promised to take my sister and I to the beach.

My dear…I didn’t get to tell you why I was upset. I was going to tell you after you finished reading to me, but yeah. What I was going to say was…if you really intend on doing what you said you would…you’re letting him get too comfortable next to you if he thinks he can change your picture like that [by the way I really wish you would do something about that...]. And if you don’t intend on doing what you said you would…then…well, I’m saving that part for another day. Don’t ask…